Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Santa Clara University

  • If you could go back and change one day in your life, what would you change and why? (Santa Clara University)

  • This is a huge question! I think everyone would accept an opportunity like this because we all make mistakes in life and would like to change one. There are so many days I wish I could change but if I could only choose one day, I would have to pick Christmas Eve of 2008. Alot of people would use their day to change a mistake but I think all the mistakes i have made have evened out my life. I believe that something good comes out of something bad. So instead I decided to pick Christmas Eve of 2006. Every year my family would spend Christmas Eve at my grandmothers house. My entire family from aunts and uncles to great grandmothers would be at this celebration. We would all sit together and give each other presents. The kids would always be the ones that got the santa bag with a thousand presents in them. I remember getting everyhting I wanted and more and as a young kid, it was the best day of every year. Except for Christmas Eve of 2008. I don't know why, but every Christmas since I was eight, I get the flu or some outrageous sickness on Christmas break. On Christmas I would be laying in bed, vommitting and just being sicker than a dog. On Christmas Eve I felt fine. I got ready to go to my grandmothers, got all the cards I drew ready with me, and carried out the cookies we bring every year. We went early this year to my grandmothers house because she needed help setting up the trays of food. My grandmother had every kind of cookie and food you could think of out on the table for everyone too eat. Since we were early the adults had the kids watch a movie until the rest of the family got there. While watching the movie I started to feel sick. My stomach turned upside down, I got an instant headache, and my body felt like an ice cube. When im sick I tend to not believe it so I just asked my mom for water, thinking that it would go away. But I began to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was wrong with my body. I told my parents I felt extremely sick, and eventually they brought me home. I was sick all night and I remember lifting my hand and trying to open presents but I was so tired that I couldn't do it. The next day the most unthinkable thing happened. I didn't wake up to the usual Christmas with my parents videotaping us opening presents all day and laughing together while we listened to Christmas music. I woke up to my mother crying in her bed with a huge box of tissues, blowing her brains out. I went in her room and I said, "mommy whats wrong?" She told me that my grandmother had died last night. My whole body froze. I could see my moms lips moving but I couldnt hear anything. I blocked out everything around me. My body felt like shattered glass, unable to put the pieces together. My knees got week and my throat felt like it was closing. In disbelief, I fell to the ground, astonished at what I just heard. I dragged myself to my room and lay my head on my pillow as I thought to myself, I never got to say goodbye or tell her I loved her. On Christmas Eve I didnt even get to say hi. We walked in her house, stayed there for ten minutes, and left. Tears poured out of my eyes like a waterfall and I tried to tell myself it was ok, but I knew it wasn't. I was hard on myself too and I thought that I got her sick and that she died because of me. But really my grandmother died because she smoked alot. So to finally get to the question, I would go back to Christmas Eve of 2006. I would change everything. Instead of sitting down and watching a movie I would burst into my grandmothers house and run into her arms and tell her "Merry Christmas" and tell her how much I loved her. Me and my grandmother were really close. I grew up in her house because she was pretty much my babysitter when my parents had work to do, so she was like my bestfriend. It's hard to let go of something physically when you never let go of it mentally. So if I could travel back into time and change one day in my life, sick or not sick, I would change Christmas Eve of 2008. Why? Because if I had the chance to say hello and goodbye it would set a peace to my grandmothers death. And I wouldnt feel guilty for making my parents take me home, and my mom never getting to say goodbye either. I cant imagine not being able to say goodbye to my mom so I dont know how she did it. I feel as if it was my fault and that a change would do a huge impact to my life. But I have moved on and learned that everything happens for a reason and that God only gives you what you can handle. I have handled my grandmothers death by moving closer to my mother and telling my self that if I changed it the outcome would still be bittersweet.

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